If you have an upcoming court date or meeting with a family court officer (e.g. mediator, facilitator, settlement judge) who may be deciding your divorce, legal separation annulment or child custody fate, here is a list of the top ten things you should not wear when making your appearance.

1. Cleavage
2. Mini skirts
3. Tight everything (e.g. tight tops, tight jeans)
4. Facial piercings, if they are elaborate
5. T-shirts with negative images or text (i.e. fcuk)
6. Fishnet stockings
7. Noisy or visually distracting jewelry
8. Hats
9. Sunglasses
10. Headsets or earphones, whether for your phone or MP3 player

There are many people who judge others based on their appearances, and while it is unfair and their closed mindedness should be challenged, it is probably in your best interest to save your rebellious, rage against the machine show down for somewhere other a judicial forum.

If not, why not? Our Divorce Toolbox is filled with free worksheets, questionnaires and checklists that can help you navigate the divorce process in any state.

If you’re filing your own divorce or working with a lawyer, our Pre-Divorce Planning Tools, Money Matter Tools and Post Divorce Tools can help. These tools include questions you should ask and issues you should address during divorce. Examples or our tools are the Copy Cat Worksheet, which suggests documents you may want to gather and photocopy and our Show Me The Money Worksheet helps you identify your husband’s potential sources of income available for support. If you’re working with a mediator, lawyer or therapist, are tools will help you interview, evaluate and hire those professionals best suited to your case.

All of our tools were written by lawyers and are available free of charge. All we ask is that you become a member of our community by quickly and easily registering. Your free membership allows us to determine your general location (city and state) as well as your interests so we may continue to provide information and resources most relevant to you.

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.

A few weeks ago while wandering the new releases in my local library, I stumbled upon Theo Pauline Nestor’s divorce memoir, How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed. Obviously, being a divorce lawyer and the President of this website, I had to sweep the book off its shelf when I realized it was a divorce memoir. A few hours after leaving the library I began reading, and after forty short pages, I was hooked. In fact I was so taken by Theo’s story and writing style that I told my sister about it that evening, and much to my chagrin, she absconded it for several weeks. Upon its return, I finished Theo’s book in just a few days and cannot speak highly enough about it.

How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed is exceptionally well written and easy to read nonfiction that follows Theo’s journey through the abrupt (or seemingly abrupt) ending of her marriage and unexpected divorce. It also explores the reactions of her mother, her two young children and her closest friends, and the financial strain divorce places on a SAHM.

In How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed Theo shares her experiences so vividly that it is almost impossible not to recall your own memories and feelings of loss that accompanied a break-up, separation or divorce. The simplest, but often overlooked details of divorce, are captured and exposed in a way that can make anyone who is in the throws of divorce feel they are not alone or crazy.

So, if you haven’t already guessed, I give this book a wonderful review and recommend it to anyone who is separated, divorced or thinking about divorce. And, I am excited to report that since reading Theo’s book I have had the pleasure of corresponding with her and we will be giving away an autographed copy of her book to one lucky winner who writes a comment on this post telling us why she should receive this great book. The winner will be announced next Thursday, so be sure and enter for your chance to win.

To prevent unfavorable circumstances and adversity

from afflicting your mind…put a stop to aversion

toward inner and outer obstacles….Practice seeing

everything in a solely agreeable way. For that to

happen, stop seeing harmful situations as something

wrong, but give all your effort to seeing them as valuable.

-Jigme Tenpey Nyima

Think Simple Now has a very conscientious article entitled “How to End a Relationship“. It has some valid and some interesting points that psychologists and therapists may disagree with in certain situations. For example, it suggests that after the break-up you should be available to your former partner to help him/her heal, and that you may ultimately be friends. While I agree that both of these recommendations are kind gestures, I don’t think they apply in worst case scenarios, such as abusive, obsessive or codependent relationships, when a clean and final break may be necessary.

World Net Daily’s article “Electronic cuffs planned for dads” covers a very controversial Illinois law that requires electronic GPS tracking devices be worn by men who may never have been convicted of a crime, but are involved in messy divorces. According the Wold Net Daily, judges can order anyone to wear a GPS tracking device “if they simply are accused of violating an order of protection, with no court conviction or adjudication required.” Similar laws are enacted, and likely to be challenged on the grounds of civil rights violations, in a dozen states are intended to prevent violence that often involves the death of wife, husband, girlfriend or child.

And in happier news, OK Magazine has published “World Exclusive: Britney Reveals All”, which leads us to believe that Britney Spears is (finally) making a come back! Kudos to Britney for (hopefully) getting her life back on track after a roller coaster of a ride. Good luck Britney!

The proverb “the devil is in the details” implies that failing to pay attention to the details in life might cause failure. In divorce, this adage is very true. If you forget to check a box on your divorce complaint or exclude vital information in your judgment, you could spend exorbitant time and money trying to correct your errors. And, if unsuccessful, you might be forever haunted by a simple oversight. Because this is a risk you want to avoid, it is crucial that you carefully review any legal forms provided to you for signature before signing. Alternatively if you are preparing your own legal divorce forms, take the following steps to improve the likelihood of avoiding mistakes.

1. Download the correct divorce court forms and instructions from your family court’s website. Be sure you have all of the necessary forms for your case (i.e. contested, uncontested, with children, without children).

2. Make two or more copies of the blank divorce forms and fill the first set out by hand. Be sure your forms are clear and easy to read.

3. If you are in an abusive relationship or don’t want to write your home address on your documents, use another address where you can receive mail.

4. If you don’t have a lawyer, you must indicate this on the legal forms. Self-represented parties are usually referred to as “in pro per” or “Pro Se”. You’ll want to confirm the terminology preferred by your court.

5. Fill out your forms completely and accurately. If something doesn’t apply to you, write “N/A.” If you don’t know the answers, leave the answers blank and contact a lawyer, legal clinic, court clerk or ask your local law librarian for books that may help you.

6. Sign each form where your signature is requested. Use blue or black ink only.

7. Make copies of all of your forms. If a form has writing on both sides, use 2 separate pages to copy the 2 sides of the form.

8. Keep a clean copy of all of your court papers in a folder in a safe place.

9. Take your forms to the court clerk’s office for filing and further action. Also be sure to take the correct filing fee with you in the form of a cashier’s check or money order unless your court accepts personal checks.

10. Always take your complete file of documents with you to the clerk’s office, a court hearing, or a facilitator’s office.

11. Be prepared for the court clerk to tell you something is missing or must be changed - this is very common in court filings and shouldn’t be taken personally.

Words of Caution: Because the courts and legal system are very unforgiving, we recommend you consult an attorney or legal clinic to ensure your documents, method of service, filing deadlines and other applicable local and national family laws are satisfied.

If you’re providing copies of your financial records and/or tax returns to your lawyer, husband, husband’s lawyer, court experts, court reporters, the court itself, or any other third-party, be sure to redact/erase/delete/remove your social security number and account numbers from the documents to avoid identity theft.

If you need some method of identifying financial accounts in your documents, you can simply refer to the name of the financial institution, the type of account and if absolutely necessary, the last few digits in the account number. For example, Wells Fargo joint checking account number ending in 038, or you can establish reference names for each account (i.e. “Dan’s credit card #1) that are used universally in your case by everyone involved.

It has been nearly two weeks since the BlogHer 08 Conference and I FINALLY have the time and focus to share with you, the names of the blogs that are written by the great BlogHer gals I met. So, drumroll please!!!…..Introducing the lovely ladies of BlogHer 08 and/or their blogs.

Caterine Morgan, Gwen Bell, Wexford Girl, Mile High Mamas, Glossy Veneer, warmtone, rookiemoms,, Papaya Maya, Margaret Rosas, Renee Blodgett, Am I Doing Okay?, J.D. Bauchery, Joy of Romance, Starla Sireno, Singelringen, Living…In Theory, Sparkplugging, Casadecruz, KaiserAlex, Kelly Hall and Sally Ham Govan.

Surviving Divorce (52 Brilliant Ideas): Your Roadmap Through the Emotional and Financial Maze (52 BRILLIANT IDEAS) by Victoria Perrett takes a unique approach to providing helpful information to people in divorce. It is organized into 52 short, illustrated chapters that cover everything from making the initial decision to moving on after the decree is final. Brief question and answer snippets are provided at the end of each section and they touch upon a variety of legal, financial and emotional issues. Relevant quotes and ideas fill the margins of this book and suggest activities, tasks or ideas you might consider before, during and after divorce.

Victoria Perrett, a “trained psychotherapist”, discusses the “feelings” side of divorce like your girlfriend or mother might. Her writing style is somewhat lighthearted and easily relatable. She briefly addresses the general stages and multitude of issues you might face in divorce however; by no means is this a technical divorce manual. It does not set forth specific legal divorce procedures nor does it discuss state specific divorce laws. Thus, if you are looking for an easy read that quickly and generally gives you an idea of what to expect and how to handle various aspects of divorce, this book may be what you’re looking for. Surviving Divorce (52 Brilliant Ideas): Your Roadmap Through the Emotional and Financial Maze (52 BRILLIANT IDEAS) can be read and re-read numerous times during divorce but it shouldn’t be the only text you read or rely upon. Make sure it is only a supplement to the other much more in depth, state specific divorce books you read.

Have you already read this book? If so, share your thoughts and reviews with us. We’d love to know what you think.

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce. The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide has no relationship with the author or divorce book listed above and does not endorse either. We provide this reference and link for your information only.

Most state courts have websites with TONS of information that you may need before, during and after divorce. For example in California, the California Courts Self Help Center has family law forms, local court rules, links to local court websites, court telephone numbers and much, much more! I refer to the information on this site regularly in my California family law practice. If you don’t live in California, don’t despair. Most state courts now have websites with similar information and you can find them via our links to state “divorce forms” found on our State Resources pages. (We will be updating our state pages soon with direct links to individual online state self help centers, but in the meantime you can click through to the online forms, which will take you to the state court website, where you can click on “home” or “self help center”.)